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Thread: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

  1. #1
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    Default Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    It's easy to make a mediocre skate video, all you have to do is point the camera, don't fiddle with the special effects on the editing software too much and put some inoffensive music in the background.
    Making a masterpiece is harder, you need a vision, skill and creativity. You must take risks and believe in yourself that they will pay off and leave you will a classic that will go down in history as one of the greats. Yes, we are talking about Photosynthesis, Lost and found, Arto's back to back bowie in Sorry.
    It is infinitely harder to make a terrible video. you must have an idea and understanding what makes a great video but in a cruel twist of fate also have in ingrained, overwhelming whackness that cant be shaken. A whackness so deep inside you that is a part of your very being, that has grown with you, long before you ever step on a board or buy a camera.

    Even a great videographer can commit an act of whackness (Josh Stewart making Paul Shier 'Dance monkey boy! Dance!', for example) but we forgive these fleeting moments of whack (MoW) as a passing slip. A single dropped stitch on a grandma's finest knitted Christmas sweater.
    (Fig A. Note at 1:08 as poor Shier dances for his life for fear of another lash from the circus masters whip. A truly terrifying peek into the world of the modern skate videographer)


    It takes a real talent however, to ruin an entire project. It's hard work pissing on an impressive and respected skater through poor filming and bad editing. A skater who has usually dedicated the last 2 to 3 years of their life to this project, believing that this is it. This will lead them to greatness. This will be the part they are forever remembered for and will go down in the history books as one of the most memorable parts of their era.

    Have a quick look over your shoulder and make sure your supervisor isn't looking at your screen. Let's pie off work for a little while and lose ourselves in the world of turd cinema:

    I will start the ball rolling by nominating the piece that spawned this thread: Ty Evans and his masterpiece Fully flared. A film so engrossing I fell asleep in my seat at the London premier. Ty knows what skaters want and includes a level of special effects straight out of Jason and the Argonauts to start the sections.
    Continuing his Greco Roman theme Julius Evans cruelly pits Marc Johnson and Guy Mariano against each other in the coliseum of bottom dribble. Sadly we have no Victor as after a very extended, gruelling battle they both fall to the floor exhausted, too weak to go on. With no fight in their bones remaining and no power left to control their bowels they simultaneously exploded excrement all over their previously untainted careers.
    Disgusted by the lack of a clear winner the blood thirsty emperor has both men dragged from the coliseum and paraded through the streets to display their weakness as a reminder and warning of his power. (this last bit is an analogy for Marc's and Mariano's well documented interviews and cringey output which have only further dragged their careers down. I'm very pleased with myself).



    Edit- I've spent ages trying to add my picture accompaniment but the forum won't let me. It can be viewed here: https://imgur.com/HMXBFmB



    My work Colleague is off sick today so I don't have time to make this into a top 5 as originally planned but implore you all to add your suggestions with video reference where possible.
    Let the public shaming, oh whoops, I mean constructive criticism begin!
    Last edited by gregoryconroy; 2 Weeks Ago at 10:39 AM.
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    Moderator buildafire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    So what, "Shit Videos Thread?"

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Quote Originally Posted by buildafire View Post
    So what, "Shit Videos Thread?"
    Nah, It's a good skating ruined by bad editing thread.
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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Fully Flared Guy>Crackhead Guy.

    I think Fully Flared is, overall, a downright classic that didn't define an era but seismically shifted it. But then I'm pretty wack; I wasn't a fan of Mindfield as a complete piece.

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Quote Originally Posted by volstenhulme View Post
    Fully Flared Guy>Crackhead Guy.

    I think Fully Flared is, overall, a downright classic that didn't define an era but seismically shifted it. But then I'm pretty wack; I wasn't a fan of Mindfield as a complete piece.
    madness. I can see this opening good debate. what elements of mindfield didn't you like?
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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Dancing robots/toys, a complete lack of humour or self awareness and fucking Dinosaur Jr.

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Quote Originally Posted by volstenhulme View Post
    fucking Dinosaur Jr.
    What?!

    Jamie Foy Flat Earth part is a current if low-hanging example of this I guess.

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    that song in the Shier part is awful isn't it.

    not a fan of reynolds edit in 'this is skateboarding'.
    Quote Originally Posted by weed View Post
    im not a racist you just look like a potato

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Quote Originally Posted by volstenhulme View Post
    and fucking Dinosaur Jr.
    wow
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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Yes Greg!

    Well this one has started off well.

    Add video embeds to your posts innit, (please)

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Section is 2 minutes 56 seconds long.
    First 1 minute 30 secs is him riding a Go-Kart followed by him taking a shit.
    Do I need to say more?
    Someone was doing way too much cocaine when this video was made.

    Also 'turd cinema' LOL


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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Manual Labor in 2000. Hot on the heels of the misunderstood cringe-classic "The Storm" , Schlossbach shits on whatever legacy he had built up while working with Ternasky and releases this piece of utter gobshite. Had some cool Smolik footy and a rad vert montage but had a park section as a filler part.

    It's a fucking gross video.

    Actually that may have been skateboarding's worst era. Even worse than the wallie/no-comply resurgence.

    edit: embedding a few choice parts:



    Last edited by Load; 2 Weeks Ago at 11:42 AM.

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Quote Originally Posted by volstenhulme View Post
    ...fucking Dinosaur Jr.
    Phhhffffff...

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Lifetime ban please

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    Default Re: Turd Cinema- The best of bad skate Videography

    Quote Originally Posted by volstenhulme View Post
    Dancing robots/toys
    Quote Originally Posted by volstenhulme View Post
    and fucking Dinosaur Jr.
    surefire signs of a good video

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