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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1

    Default Jokes

    Been a while since we've had a joke thread. And its raining outside.

    A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to
    a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
    Spain; they name him "Juan."
    Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
    to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
    that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,

    "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    ----------------------------------

    Mickey Mouse in the divorce courts:
    Counsell-"Mr Mouse suggesting your wife has bucked teeth is not good grounds for divorce!"

    Mickey-"I didnt say she had bucked teeth i said she was fucking Goofy!"

  2. #2
    ‹bermensch
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    knock knock.....

    who's there?

    fred.........

    fred who?

    Bert lancaster.....

  3. #3
    Ultra King
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    what's the difference between a blow job and anal sex?

    one makes your day
    the other makes your whole week
    this was the first collaboration pant that i've ever done with anybody

  4. #4
    Ultra King Joxa's Avatar
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    how many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Babies can't change lightbulbs.


    HAHAHHAHAH

  5. #5

  6. #6

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    What's 15 feet long and smells of piss?





    The checkout queue in Aldi.

  7. #7

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    Whats White and can't climb trees?




    a Fridge

  8. #8
    ‹bermensch
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    What kind of bee makes milk?

    A boobee!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by .Malanax.
    What's 15 feet long and smells of piss?





    The checkout queue in Aldi.

    fantastic....

    I would have also accepted - the queue at Poundstretcher

  10. #10
    Initiate strongest of the strange's Avatar
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    What do you do when you've had a baby?


    Put the nappy back on.
    FUCKING PIVOT KV+LT!

  11. #11
    Initiate
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    Default

    Are politically incorrect jokes allowed?

  12. #12
    Ultra King
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    Default

    céline dion walks into a bar.
    bartender says "why the long face ?"

  13. #13

    Default

    A guy walks into a public toilet and slips on a big jobby. Gets up and starts cleaning his jacket. This immense bruiser comes in and does the same thing. Guy looks down and says:

    " I just did that!"

    *SMACK*

  14. #14

    Default

    Man goes into a bar with a crocodile.
    Barman says "Woah woah woah, you can't bring crocodiles in here!!"

    Man says: "He's harmless, I'll show you- reach me your baseball bat from behind the bar."

    Barman does so. Man lies croc along bar, opens its mouth, inserts arm, clamps its jaws and begins pounding it on the head. The croc is nutted and slides off onto the floor but his arm is unmarked.

    Barman says "Still...its a dangerous animal."

    Man says "Alright, what about this-". Rouses concussed crocodile, balances it back on bar, pulls down his zip, sticks his wang in its mouth- a deathly hush descends- and begins walloping the life out of the poor croc.
    Still, it doesn't bite him.

    "Look-" says the barman "I accept he won't bite you, but what about the rest of my customers?"

    "OK-" says the man "does anybody else want a go??"

    An old dear at the back puts up her hand and says "I'll have a go...




    ... if you don't hit me so hard."

  15. #15
    ‹bermensch
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    Quote Originally Posted by anonymity
    Quote Originally Posted by .Malanax.
    What's 15 feet long and smells of piss?





    The checkout queue in Aldi.

    fantastic....

    I would have also accepted - the queue at Poundstretcher
    Netto.

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