Page 63 of 63 FirstFirst ... 1353616263
Results 931 to 942 of 942

Thread: Jokes

  1. #931
    Moderator buildafire's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    25,357

    Default Re: Jokes

    A guy is driving around the back woods when he sees a sign in front of a broken down house ‘Talking Dog For Sale’. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

    The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador sitting there.
    “You talk?” he says. “Yep” the dog replies.
    After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog speak, he says “So, what’s your story?”
    The Lab looks up and says, “Well. I discovered I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.”
    “I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.”
    “I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m retired.”
    The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
    “Ten dollars.” the guy says.
    “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
    “Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.”

  2. #932
    Moderator françois's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    24,592

    Default Re: Jokes

    Hahaha!
    "There are people in skateboarding whose views and backgrounds differ from mine, but I appreciate that they’re a part of it because that’s what keeps skating so diverse and not just some homogenized bullshit. More opinions, more girls, more homosexuality, more global representation." Ryan Lay

  3. #933
    Ultra King wayoutskates's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Brighton
    Posts
    10,668

    Default Re: Jokes

    Trust me I'm a stomach

    Quote Originally Posted by skateharrogate View Post
    He is amazing, but aesthetically that hair is not pleasing to me.

  4. #934
    Ultra King
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    22,235

    Default Re: Jokes

    i went to a yiddish restaurant recently

    halfway through the waiter asked "is anything alright?"

  5. #935
    Ultra King
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    sin
    Posts
    13,457

    Default Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by floor odoriser View Post
    i went to a yiddish restaurant recently

    halfway through the waiter asked "is anything alright?"
    hahaha, i read that in Mort from family guys accent.

  6. #936
    Moderator buildafire's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    25,357

    Default Re: Jokes

    Two giraffe were eating grass one day when a monkey sitting nearby in a tree looks over and says "Hey you two stupid fucks." "Why are you eating grass that's all the way down there on the ground when you could be eating these leaves and fruit right in front of your stupid faces?"
    One giraffe thought about it and said "Well I'm down here already there really is no need to raise my head now is there." The second giraffe looks at the first and says "Did you hear what that motherfucker just said to us?" "Watch this shit."
    With one quick motion giraffe two raises his head and hits the monkey out of the tree. The monkey now on the ground says "You think I'm not comfortable down here on the ground?" He starts to furiously masturbate all over the grass multiple times for hours and hours. The monkey now completely exhausted confesses to the giraffes "I can't stop masturbating and I pissed you off on purpose because my fur was stuck to the tree and I couldn't move my arms to masturbate." "It was so easy to fool you into doing what I wanted."

    The first giraffe spits out the grass he was chewing on and says to the monkey "It is we that fooled you we love semen covered monkeys." And both giraffe tear the monkey to shreds while they eat him alive. Two years later they both died of alcoholism.

  7. #937
    Ultra King
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    22,235

    Default Re: Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by buildafire View Post
    Two giraffe were eating grass one day when a monkey sitting nearby in a tree looks over and says "Hey you two stupid fucks." "Why are you eating grass that's all the way down there on the ground when you could be eating these leaves and fruit right in front of your stupid faces?"
    One giraffe thought about it and said "Well I'm down here already there really is no need to raise my head now is there." The second giraffe looks at the first and says "Did you hear what that motherfucker just said to us?" "Watch this shit."
    With one quick motion giraffe two raises his head and hits the monkey out of the tree. The monkey now on the ground says "You think I'm not comfortable down here on the ground?" He starts to furiously masturbate all over the grass multiple times for hours and hours. The monkey now completely exhausted confesses to the giraffes "I can't stop masturbating and I pissed you off on purpose because my fur was stuck to the tree and I couldn't move my arms to masturbate." "It was so easy to fool you into doing what I wanted."

    The first giraffe spits out the grass he was chewing on and says to the monkey "It is we that fooled you we love semen covered monkeys." And both giraffe tear the monkey to shreds while they eat him alive. Two years later they both died of alcoholism.

  8. #938
    Moderator buildafire's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Glasgow
    Posts
    25,357

    Default Re: Jokes

    Oh God no.

    He'd have said it in a 'funny' 'ned' voice. Or pretended to be on drugs. Haha! Because, like, stoned people! Haha!

    It's not him, is it? Is it? Do I find Brian Limond funny?

  9. #939
    Ultra King judith priest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    south of havant.
    Posts
    9,470

    Default Re: Jokes

    he was on rhlstp, it was torture.

  10. #940
    Ultra King wayoutskates's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Brighton
    Posts
    10,668

    Default Re: Jokes

    what do you call an invisible mum that used to be a man?












    transparent
    Trust me I'm a stomach

    Quote Originally Posted by skateharrogate View Post
    He is amazing, but aesthetically that hair is not pleasing to me.

  11. #941
    Mini Goon dontcomply's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    sunderland
    Posts
    200

    Default Re: Jokes


  12. #942
    Ultra King Load's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    /\_/¯¯¯¯\_/\
    Posts
    5,435

    Default Re: Jokes

    accurate.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. pointless jokes
    By AvId the c*U*n*T in forum Skateboarding
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 26th January 2010, 11:22 PM
  2. Sick Jokes
    By Ginonix in forum Skateboarding
    Replies: 95
    Last Post: 21st August 2009, 03:51 PM
  3. Bare jokes thread
    By NEXTMAN in forum Skateboarding
    Replies: 42
    Last Post: 8th December 2008, 09:06 PM
  4. Continually updated Jokes
    By kav_7 in forum Skateboarding
    Replies: 54
    Last Post: 30th July 2007, 08:14 PM
  5. old jokes home
    By floor odoriser in forum Skateboarding
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 21st February 2006, 05:37 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •